Conz Preti, United States & Argentina
Photography: Jessica Weiser
Conz Preti, parenting and health editor at Business Insider, shares her incredible journey as a twin mother. Originally from Argentina, Conz's life took an unexpected turn when she found herself in the midst of the pandemic newly postpartum, while caring for her todller and newborn twin girls in the bustling city of New York. In this interview, Conz shares her escape from the epicenter of the crisis, and the unique cultural differences she encountered while raising her children in the United States compared to her Argentinian upbringing.
Interview dated February 2022
Pregnancy
You had a single pregnancy, followed by a twin pregnancy. Are there any main differences between a “single” pregnancy and being pregnant with twins in terms of care? Did it change the way that you prepared for birth?
As soon as I found out I was pregnant with twins, I had to move from a midwifery practice to a high-risk OB, because carrying multiples is considered high risk. I was actually quite bummed about this because I loved my midwives who had been with me throughout my entire first pregnancy and my miscarriage before the twin pregnancy. That was the biggest difference in terms of care. Everything else for me was pretty standard since I had a relatively easy pregnancy with the girls.
Because my twins are identical, the only extra thing I needed was getting an ultrasound with a neonatal cardiologist to make sure everything looked good, which it did.
My blood pressure was always high when first arriving at my doctor’s office, and I was huffing and puffing while they were taking it. They ran several preeclampsia tests because of that, but my doctor respected me wanting to keep the girls in for as long as it was safe, instead of sending me running to the hospital because of one high reading. Every time, the tests came back completely clear.
While I wanted to be pregnant as long as possible, I was also aware that twins might come earlier than expected. I had my bags packed starting at 24 weeks just in case, and we had a whole plan of who would stay with our son if the twins were to be born before my parents could arrive. I’m thankful we didn’t need any of it, but having a plan gave me so much peace of mind.
Birth
Can you share the twin’s birth experience?
I had an emergency C-section with my first. We went in for an ECV when I was 37 weeks and before they could even start they realized my amniotic fluid was alarmingly low and I was rushed into the OR. It was quite traumatic emotionally because I didn’t have time to process what was happening and how bad things could’ve been had I not gone in for that ECV that day.
With the twins, I was open to any kind of birth as long as it meant they’d be OK. I let go of what I wanted and embraced that whatever they needed was the best for everyone. I had a scheduled C-section at 38 weeks and two days. My OB said that she would allow me to go up to 39 weeks if everything was looking good, but she only was in the hospital two days a week, the day the girls were born and a date that was past that absolute deadline.
Twin A was breech and so my OB did not allow me to attempt a vaginal birth. I am grateful that was the case because it turns out Twin B had a full knot on her cord (which shocked the entire medical team in the OR) and would’ve complicated things had I tried to deliver her vaginally.
It was a pretty standard C-section but with double the team in the OR. There were so many people in case either baby needed more attention. They both came out screaming and looked great. While I didn’t get to do skin to skin immediately in the OR like I did with my first, I got to snuggle with both at the same time for a bit before they were taken to the nursery with my husband.
Recovery was hard. I lost significant amounts of blood and was very out of it. I’m glad we had a doula, because while my husband was with the twins I ended up vomiting (I think from the anesthesia), and thankfully she was there to grab a trash can and hold my hair. Because of the blood loss, I needed iron transfusions which are extremely unpleasant. At one point they couldn’t find a decent vein in my arm for the transfusion, so the nurse was attempting to into one in my wrist. It was so painful I started crying, but she was determined to get it in. Eventually, my husband had to step in and say I had had enough (something I couldn't do) and she stopped.
What about having twins did you find challenging compared to a single birth?
The last weeks of my pregnancy with the twins were really hard physically. I was huge and had a hard time breathing if I was horizontal. I had to sleep with a pillow ramp that had me basically sitting up. Everything hurt and all I wanted to do was sleep, but I was also suffering from heartburn and insomnia.
Both C-sections were similar and all my kids weighed about the same 6.4-6.8 lbs. So really, besides having an extra baby, the births were pretty similar all in all.
Postpartum
You were newly postpartum when the pandemic hit New York City. That must have been an extremely difficult time for you and your family. Can you share about that experience?
The girls were born early March 2020. Because of the blood loss and subsequent anemia, my OB discharged me from the hospital with clear instructions that I was to be in “house arrest” for at least a week. I followed her instructions, moving from the bed to the couch as I watched the news about COVID ramp up.
We got to go out once with the twins and my husband for lunch. I insisted I was OK to be outside, fearing that this would be our one and only shot as things got girmmer. I look back at that photo with a bit of sadness. On how much we missed out. On all the things we could’ve done. All the help we had then, that hours later went away.
We had to call our night doula and even though we desperately needed her, told her that we would have no one come in the apartment for a bit. We told our son’s nanny, who was basically like a third grandmother, that we didn’t want to put her at risk riding the subway and so to not come. And then New York shut down completely while I was less than two weeks postpartum.
My husband suggested leaving the city, but I hadn’t even had my 2 week post op check up. When I went to see my OB she said she was not going to see me for the 6 week check up, and to come back in 6-8 months. That’s all I needed to hear, I came back home and told my husband we needed to leave.
We packed as much stuff as we could for the kids, loaded our two dogs and three kids into our car, and drove through the night to Maine where my husband’s family had a house that was vacant. We stayed there, in the middle of nowhere, for a couple months until we decided to permanently move to Maine.
I remember our first morning after we arrived, something about being outside of the city, totally isolated, allowed me to breathe deeply for the first time in weeks. It was this primal feeling, my babies were safe, I was allowed to breathe now.
Were you and your husband working through the pandemic and how did you divide and share roles and responsibilities while looking after three young children?
I went back to work at 12 weeks, but my job had already been fully remote prior to the pandemic, so I was used to working from home with kids around. My husband had 6 months leave, so he was in charge of the twins. We decided to send our oldest to school, given that cases in Maine were low and he was clearly needing socialization beyond hanging out with 3 month old babies.
Eventually, my husband decided to become a full time stay at home dad, something he had been wanting for a while. His perspective is that when they are this little, it’s the only time you get to be with them all day long.
People often ask me how is it that I can have my career and three kids. The answer is my husband.
And while losing one income means that we now need to do a lot more budgeting and stressing about money, we also know that this won’t be like this forever.
Breastfeeding
Can you share your feeding journey?
With my son I had a lot of issues with breastfeeding. After having a C-section I was adamant about only breastfeeding. He had a ton of weight gain issues, I was incredibly sleep deprived, which triggered PPA. We switched to bottle feeding him and things changed for the better almost overnight.
With that experience, I decided the twins were going to be fed whichever way we needed to. So we triple fed when we realized they were going on the same trajectory as their brother with their weight. Once they were gaining weight appropriately, I switched to just pumping and bottle feeding, mostly because we were outnumbered and needed to optimize feeding time. I feel that COVID took that away from me, a shot at breastfeeding them.
At around 6 months we introduced formula because I couldn’t keep up with their hunger (even though I was pumping 60oz a day) and then by the time they were 9 months we switched fully to formula.
Argentina
You’re originally from Argentina. Can you share any insights into pregnancy and postpartum in your home country?
I feel like in Argentina family is way more involved than in the US. My parents came to see when all our kids were born and they would just show up at 9 am and leave at 8pm. My husband and I weren’t used to having them around so much, but to them that was helpful, just being there.
My friends back home rely much more on their moms or grandmothers for taking care of their children. There’s a bigger sense of community in a way.
I however see that many of my friends end up with unnecessary C-sections. There’s this idea that surgical birth is better for everyone. While there are cases that that is true (like both of mine) it’s not necessarily true for everyone.
Are there any cultural differences that influence the way that you approach motherhood?
My husband and I are super strict with sleep schedules. Our kids nap every day at the same time and go to bed super early for Argentine standards (7:30ish). It took a while for my parents to understand that; they were used to having me go to sleep around until 10-11 pm.
Something similar happens with screen time. We are more aware of how much time is good and when it starts becoming a problem, whereas my mom argues that I was basically raised by the TV and I’m fine, so what’s the problem with watching cartoons all day.
My friends laugh at the photos of my newborns wrapped as burritos. Swaddling is now slowly becoming a thing there, but only influenced by the US. There’s still not a lot of conversation around safe sleep, and I often see my friends newborns with blankets and crib bumpers, which send me in a spiral because of how bombarded I was with sleep safe information by our pediatricians here in the US.