Virginie Vanderhaydenis, Belgium
Virginie Vanderheydenis a mother of two based in Brussels, Belgium. Virginie shares the early births of both her girls, how her immunity to the CMV virus excluded her from her job during pregnancy, and how physiotherapy and sophrology contributed to her preparation for and recovery from birth.
Where were you born and raised?
I live in Brussels, the capital of Belgium. I love this multicultural city, which has many facets.
I’ve always lived in the city with my parents and my two younger sisters. After my studies, I moved in with my partner. At first, we lived in the north of Brussels and now we live in the south.
Tell me a little about your life and family?
I'm almost 34 years old, and am the mother of two little girls. I’ve been in a relationship with Arnaud, the daddy of the girls, for 17 years. We met when we were still teenagers and grew up together. We’re not married, by choice.
We wanted to become parents, but not too early. We wanted to tackle this new chapter in our thirties, after taking full advantage of our freedom. Once our children arrived, we chose to fully include them in our lives. We love being parents, although it can be difficult at times too.
Arnaud and I are both clinical psychologists by training. I’ve been working for almost 10 years in the field of youth assistance in Brussels, and he works in mental health. My job is to come to the aid of disadvantaged families from their living environment.
We love to travel and are believers in the saying ‘travel shapes the youth’. We hope to instill this sentiment in our daughters. Lola, our eldest, is four-and-a-half. Iris, our youngest, is two. We wanted them close in age.
Were your daughters both born in Belgium?
Yes, they were both born in Brussels, at the same hospital, ‘The Chirec’.
I love seeing your beautiful maternity diary. What do you like best about sharing excerpts from your life as a mother in Belgium?
I discovered Instagram when I was pregnant with Lola, as well as a passion for the world of childhood. I drew my inspiration from it, whether for fashion or children's decor. I also had the chance to meet beautiful people who have now become true friends in real life. Through Instagram, I love the sharing of experience, exchanges, kindness, generosity and solidarity between young mothers.
What type of prenatal care do you receive throughout your pregnancy in Belgium?
Personally, I was followed from the beginning to end of my pregnancy by my obstetrician-gynecologist, in whom I had complete confidence. I met him once a month, and while it’s quite uncommon to have such frequent appointments during pregnancy, I had a medical condition that required me to do so. It’s also possible to be followed by midwives in the hospital or at home. There are several types of possible pregnancy monitoring.
Are scans/ultrasounds readily available and how often do you have them during pregnancy?
I had an appointment every month, but in Belgium there are generally three specific ultrasound times to see if a baby is developing well - taking place every trimester of pregnancy.
What are the attitudes towards pregnant women? Do you receive special ‘care’?
As soon as I announced my pregnancy, I was unable to continue working for safety reasons. I’m not immune to the Cytomegalovirus CMV virus, which is a dangerous virus for pregnant women. This is the reason why I met my OB-GYN every month and had to take blood tests regularly. These monthly visits reassured me that my pregnancy was going well.
How did you prepare, both physically and psychologically, for childbirth?
I wanted to do prenatal physiotherapy as well as sophrology during my pregnancy, it’s a work of preparation for childbirth. For Lola, I also took prenatal yoga classes, where I met other young pregnant women and new mothers.
Are there any foods women are recommended to avoid during pregnancy?
It depends on whether or not you’re immune to toxoplasmosis. It’s recommended to avoid raw foods and alcohol. We’re also warned about listeriosis. Personally, I was very careful about what I ate during the first pregnancy, much less for my second.
What are the attitudes towards birth in Belgium?
There seems to be a return to birth that’s as natural as possible. Many women decide to give birth at home or in the bath. Maternity wards have also created ‘cocoon’ rooms that look like normal, less medical rooms.
Can you tell us about your birth experiences?
My two births were carried out by emergency cesarean section, although I’d already planned for cesarean births during my pregnancy.
For Lola, a cesarean was required because she was in a breech position. My cesarean was scheduled, but I ended up giving birth earlier than expected when my labour started. I had several contractions around 37 weeks pregnant. When Lola was born, she was very small. She was 45 cm tall and weighed 2.3 kg.
Iris, meanwhile, was in the right position to give birth vaginally. My OB-GYN gave me an exam, and it was there I knew I could never give birth vaginally because my pelvis is too small. We scheduled my cesarean, but again I went into labour and gave birth earlier than expected. Iris was born at 38 weeks pregnant. She measured 47 cm and 2.9 kg.
After my second birth, I learned that I went into labour early due to preeclampsia as a result of arterial tension problems at the end of pregnancy. For Iris, the contractions were incredibly violent. My gynecologist explained to me after my delivery that when he operated on me to get my baby out, he noticed my uterine pocket had torn at the site of my first scar. This was the reason my contractions were so painful.
I had two beautiful pregnancies, but two difficult deliveries. I would’ve liked to have been a little better prepared for this type of childbirth and the pain. I also know that a third pregnancy would be high-risk, but not impossible. At the moment, we don’t plan to have a third child.
Are doulas available to help support birth/postpartum in Belgium?
Yes they are, but I didn't use one.
Where did you give birth?
I gave birth in the hospital given my cesarean deliveries, but if that hadn’t been the case, I would surely have chosen the ‘cocoon’ rooms.
How long do you stay in the hospital after birth?
In my case, after a cesarean, I stayed for five days which was the time needed to recover from my operation. However, as a general rule, women stay two or three days maximum. Time in the hospital is getting shorter and shorter. The advantage is that the partner can stay in the hospital alongside mum and baby throughout the maternity stay, and in my case, this was necessary because I couldn't move for the first few hours after giving birth.
What types of pain relief are available during birth?
The epidural, of course. Prenatal breathing exercises, as well as prenatal physiotherapy, yoga, and sophrology, can also help.
Are physiotherapists available at the hospital to help women physically heal the body after birth?
I had postnatal physiotherapy during my stay in the hospital and after my delivery. It did me a lot of good - I strengthened my perineum. There are also massages especially for mothers.
What type of appointments usually follow birth, and are they in-home or out-of-home visits?
Midwives come to the home for postnatal follow-ups, but this monitoring is obviously not compulsory - it’s available on request. I used it for each of my children.
I hear in Belgium a child health expert (known as Travailleur Médico-Social or TMS) supports mothers during their babies’ transition to infancy. Can you tell me a little more about this?
In Belgium, there’s a service called ONE, the national office for children, which provides free pediatric follow-up care for children. Personally, my daughters were followed by our pediatrician every month during their first year of life. This was to verify that they were evolving well and in good health.
What do you think are the most important things to help with postpartum recovery, both physically and emotionally?
The support of the children's father and those around us, our family, and our friends. I had the chance to be well surrounded after my childbirth which allowed me to rest and not feel alone.
The postnatal physiotherapist also helped me to recover physically. As mothers, we can attend these appointments with or without our baby. In my case, I went alone and my daughters stayed with my family. It was my own little moment of relaxation, my personal little bubble. I think it's also important to take time to take care of yourself.
Postpartum
Is there support for mother and baby during the ‘fourth trimester’?
We can call on the midwife at home during the first weeks after birth, as well as the pediatrician and/or ONE, the national children's office, to have medical follow-ups and support. There are also associations and help groups for young parents and their babies.
Are there ‘new mother’ groups, and did you join any?
There are lots of different associations, such as breastfeeding mothers, baby massages or babywearing, for example. Personally, I didn’t join any, but if I had to do it again, I think I would - to talk to young mothers. I believe it’s truly the sharing of the experience of motherhood and the support that’s rich in these places.
What’s the culture around newborns in public? Do you wait a while to take the baby to public areas?
For Lola, my first baby, we waited a little while before going out because we wanted to protect her. There was no specific reason, but since she was very small, we wanted to avoid all risks. In addition, we made the choice to wait longer than recommended before taking the first vaccines and favoured a gentle vaccination. For Iris, although she received the same care, we didn't wait as long. No doubt that in being the second baby and more experienced parents, we were better prepared and less afraid.
Is there government-funded maternity or paternity leave, and if so, for how long?
I was able to benefit from separation leave throughout the duration of my pregnancy. I was excluded from my job because it involves both hygienic and psychological risks (as I work in a socio-educational field and generally go to where the beneficiaries live). Therefore, I was entitled to my maternity leave followed by breastfeeding leave. I went back to work five months after giving birth. Women are lucky to be treated fairly well in Belgium in terms of maternity leave, whereas paternity leave is only 10 days and that’s far too little.
How was the newborn stage for you personally - who took care of the baby?
The first few days after birth, I was quite weak from my cesarean sections. The girls' father took care of a lot. I never would’ve done it without him. We were also able to count on our loved ones, the grandparents and our sisters.
Can you talk at all about the culture of newborn sleep in Belgium? What were your personal experiences with this?
We respect their pace above all, by listening to our children and reassuring them. Personally, I was lucky to have two babies who quickly slept through the night - both slept through the night between three and six months.
Can you share your breastfeeding experience?
I breastfed my two daughters, but not for very long (about two and three months, respectively).
I stopped breastfeeding because I suffered from repeated cracks, despite all the advice given to me by the midwife and the lactation advisor. Breastfeeding was too painful for me and it was no longer a moment of pleasure shared with my daughters.
For Iris, breastfeeding stopped abruptly following hospitalisation when she was six weeks old. She had bronchiolitis and was hospitalised for 10 days. I was exhausted and had hardly any milk left. She didn’t have the strength to suck and I didn’t know how to draw milk.
Do you think breastfeeding in public is socially accepted in your country?
There are more and more ‘pushchair’ cafes in Belgium and ‘kids friendly’ places where mothers can breastfeed in peace, and I’m delighted by that. Unfortunately, there are still people with very narrow mentalities, but I have the impression young people today are more open.
Is breastfeeding support readily available? Who would you turn to for breastfeeding support?
Yes, there are lactation counselors and associations that help young mothers and their babies to position themselves well and put the baby to the breast.
How long do babies usually breastfeed in Belgium?
I have the impression that it oscillates between zero and six months in general. After that, women find a professional lifestyle returning to work, and often this announces the end of breastfeeding.
What’s the best part about being a mother and raising children in Belgium?
People in Belgium are well known for their friendly nature. Children are fully included in our way of life, and I like being able to take my daughters to the park, to the restaurant, to the museum, and to various activities.
Sometimes we think of leaving the city for the countryside to offer them a greener space, but, at the moment, we still enjoy living in the city. Maybe one day we’ll move, but right now we love our life as it is.
If the world could learn one thing about the way Belgium approaches pregnancy, birth, and motherhood, what would it be?
The values around the family seem, to me, the most precious thing to pass on to others. The family is at the centre of our lives - I’m very close to my family and always have been. As a child, it was me and my sisters, three girls, united with our parents. This is still the case today. I’m proud to have built my own family and be able to transmit these values and this love to them.