Lakshya, India
Photography by: Trina Cary Photography
Lakshya, a global nomad and mother of one based in India shares her experiences of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum in India and insight into Indian traditions and culture during this beautiful transition to motherhood.
Introduction
Can you give me a little background on yourself?
My original name is Elouise, but I often go by a name that I was initiated with in 2010 which is Lakshya. I am a bit of a global nomad! I was born in Canada to Dutch parents, and have lived in Nigeria, Oman, Holland, the UAE and India. After studying business at McGill University in Montreal, I worked for a year and then decided to take a 180-degree turn and move to India. There, I studied Vedanta, Sanskrit and yoga in a traditional ashram for three years, and this became my life. I now live in Mumbai with my Indian husband, Siddharth, and our daughter, Leela. I teach yoga, vedic wisdom, Sanskrit, chanting, and also my new passion which is guiding pregnant women through healthy pregnancies and natural births.
How did you meet your husband?
I used to be quite shy to answer this question, but I don’t mind anymore. We met through Tinder! #tindersuccessstory. I downloaded Tinder after reaching Mumbai and not knowing anyone there. Within a week my husband and I met and started dating, and a few years down the line here we are, married with a daughter!
When did you move to India?
The first time was 2010, when I stayed for almost 3 years. The second time was in January of 2016 and I’ve lived here ever since.
What inspired you to become a yoga teacher?
It was never in my plans - it’s just something that happened. I’d applied to do my master’s in marketing, and I got into a very good university in France. The programme was to start in January 2016, so I decided to take three months off before starting to travel around India. I was interested to learn more about yoga and the philosophy behind it, so I thought, why not do a teacher’s training programme while in India so that I could get a good glimpse of it all?
I did the training, and fell in love! I wanted to know more, especially the philosophy. I had such a strong feeling about this inside, that I actually ended up cancelling my master’s programme one week before it started, and instead came back to India and followed a three year course in Vedanta, Sanskrit and Chanting, in a traditional ashram. After that, there was no looking back.
Did motherhood inspire your focus on prenatal yoga? And has it changed your career in any way?
Absolutely. I’d been teaching yoga for nine years when I became pregnant, and then decided to follow a prenatal yoga teacher training. It was very helpful because I could relate to everything that was talked about in a very direct way.
Motherhood is still very new for me. My daughter is only 13 months at the moment, so it (along with the pandemic) has put my career on hold for now. I used to teach regular classes and hold around six yoga retreats a year. I’m now only teaching online classes, but hopefully when my daughter is a little older I can resume the retreats.
Pregnancy
Can you tell me a little bit about your pregnancy?
I knew I was pregnant (unplanned) before the pregnancy test knew it! I could feel every step of implantation in my body, and it was incredible. The first trimester was quite tough, with a lot of nausea and lack of appetite. However, by week 12 I felt better and had an amazing second trimester. I travelled, taught yoga retreats, hiked, swam under waterfalls, and thoroughly enjoyed each moment with my growing belly. Towards the middle of my third trimester, I started to settle down and went into nesting mode in Mumbai. I was still feeling pretty good, it was only during the last few weeks of my pregnancy I began to feel very heavy and tired. My daughter was born eight days after my due date and that final week seemed to last the longest.
Did you incorporate any Indian traditions or customs into your pregnancy?
Not so much to be honest, as many of the traditions are lost in the big cities and replaced with fear-based restrictions. I did what I felt was natural and good for me and my baby.
What type of prenatal care did you receive throughout your pregnancy in India?
I had my regular doctor’s appointments and that was it. I used a doula for my birth and we had a few information sessions with my doula prior to the birth to help us prepare. The use of a doula in birth is pretty uncommon in India. In fact, our doula was the only doula in all of Mumbai at the time.
In the villages, there are traditional midwives/doulas, but they’re not trained medically or otherwise. They simply hold the ancient wisdom of birthing and seek to help other women.
Are scans/ultrasounds readily available?
Yes, they are. India is very technologically advanced with their medical facilities. In most pregnancies, doctors will perform a lot of scans (more than is required, in my opinion).
Do pregnant women in India receive any special care culturally, and did you experience any of this yourself?
I personally don’t see it as care, rather, I see it as restrictions. In pregnancy, women are told to stay home, avoid exercise, stop walking, stop driving, stop eating certain foods, and more. I feel that these restrictions are very unfortunate, disempowering, and fear-based. Many people are superstitious about things and are therefore extra careful during pregnancy, especially during certain events like the full moon or an eclipse.
What foods are recommended for pregnant women to avoid during pregnancy and postpartum?
Pregnant women are told to avoid raw cheeses, raw vegetables, and certain herbs. Generally they’re advised to have cooked food and to incorporate certain herbs like cumin and turmeric into their diet. After birth, women are advised to have warming foods and a lot of ghee to help cleanse the uterus and give strength to the bones.
Did you do yoga throughout your pregnancy?, How did it affect your physical well-being during pregnancy and beyond?
Yes, absolutely! I took a few weeks off during my first trimester (though I was still teaching), but resumed my own yoga practice after those first couple of weeks. I found it extremely beneficial - it made me feel great and I didn’t gain any excess weight. After delivery, I felt quite weak for some time, and it took me a few months to start practicing yoga again, mostly due to lack of time, sleep, and energy.
Is prenatal yoga common practice for mothers in India?
It’s becoming more common, especially for young and modern Indian women who are becoming aware about the health benefits. Generally speaking, I would say the majority of Indian women don’t practice yoga during their pregnancy (or otherwise).
Birth
What have you found the attitudes towards birth to be in India?
The general attitude is very medical-based. People have a lot of faith and trust in their doctors (which I believe is a good thing), but depending on the doctor’s approach, pregnancy and birth can become a very medicalised process.
In Mumbai, there’s only one main doctor who’s into natural birthing. You can find a few others who are interested, but not to the full extent. My doctor, Dr. Ameet Dhurandar, was fantastic. He helps women birth naturally, with as little intervention as possible. He’s one of the only water birthing doctors in Mumbai, and if you birth with Dr. Dhurander, you can be assured of a completely natural birth (unless there’s an emergency, of course).
I hear at other hospitals, the doctor might be willing to facilitate a natural birth, but the hospital isn’t - which means routine interventions such as an IV drip, shaving, enema, constant fetal monitoring, suggestions to take Pitocin to speed things up, inductions, and c-sections are common. Most hospitals won’t let you go over 40 weeks, the maximum being 41 weeks.
Can you share a little about your own birth experience?
I gave birth at 41 weeks and one day. I had very long pre and early labour (around 26 hours), during which I was at home. By the time I came to the hospital, I was convinced that my baby was about to come out as it had been so long already! Turns out, I was only four centimeters dilated and still had a way to go. I tried to rest as it was two o’clock in the morning and I’d barely had any sleep for the past 24 hours. I managed to doze off for about two or three minutes at a time before a strong surge would wake me.
After a few hours at the hospital, I told my doula that the contractions were getting too intense. I was checked again and this time, I was fully dilated. I went into the birthing pool which felt so amazing, especially for my back. I had my own relaxing music on, some fairy lights around the room, and the whole setting was perfect! My partner was with me, as well as my doula. They both took turns massaging my lower back during the surges and this helped to relieve the pain tremendously.
I was in the pool and we were waiting and waiting, yet nothing was happening. I had no inclination to push and my waters still hadn’t broken. I ended up being in the birth pool for four to five hours, with a few trips to the bathroom and breaks on the birthing ball. Any other doctor in India would have waited a maximum of two hours for the baby to be born after reaching full dilation, and I was incredibly grateful for mine to have waited six to seven hours!
Since my labour was stalling in the water, I needed to do something different. I got out of the pool, moved around, sat on the toilet, and eventually went to the bed which we positioned upright. My baby’s heart rate began to get unstable, and it became evident that she needed to come out immediately. I ended up pushing her out on the bed in an upright position. It was hard work, especially because it was quite different from the birth I’d imagined which was gently breathing my baby out. Finally my baby was born, and although she’d passed a lot of meconium, she was doing well and we had immediate skin to skin. It felt completely surreal to me at this point, having been in labour for around 36 hours all together!
Are fathers allowed to be at the birth?
Yes!
What types of pain relief are available during birth?
An epidural is offered for pain relief during labour, and in most hospitals, they’re encouraged.
Are there any customs or traditions to support physical healing of the body following birth?
Yes, India has many beautiful customs for the postpartum period. Women drink a concoction made out of different herbs, ghee (clarified butter), and jaggery (unprocessed sugar). It’s said that jaggery helps to cleanse the uterus, and ghee gives you back your strength. It’s also custom to make a powder with different kinds of nuts, tree bark, gums and spices, to help with milk production.
What type of appointments typically follow birth, and are these in-home or out-of-home visits?
We have in-hospital visits at one week, three weeks, and six weeks postpartum.
What do you personally believe were the most important things in aiding postpartum recovery for you, both physically and emotionally?
Support from family, and having extra hands to help with my baby, cooking and the household. It’s also nice to just have some company around.
Postpartum
Are there any traditional customs for welcoming a newborn in Indian culture?
There’s typically a puja (ritual) for the newborn baby. It’s also common to have a naming ceremony, and sometimes the baby will have all of his or her hair shaved off for symbolic purposes.
Is there a period of confinement for mother and baby and did you practice this yourself?
Not as a strict rule (it depends on your family and background), but generally it’s recommended to stay home for six weeks. I followed this voluntarily, as I felt it gave me time to recover and my baby time to get used to the world.
Are there any ‘new mother’ groups that you can join, and did you join any?
Yes, I did, and felt like they were a saving grace!
Is there government-supported maternity or paternity leave, and if so, for how long?
Yes there is, but I’m not sure for how long as both my husband and I are self-employed so it didn’t apply to us.
Who typically cares for the baby during the newborn stage, and what was this like for you personally?
The mother, grandmother, and a jhapa (which is a woman hired by many families in India tol care for the mother and baby for a period of 40 days following the birth) will take the lead roles as carers. The jhapa will massage both mother and baby every day, which helps the mother heal her body and gives the baby strength (it helps to make the baby’s body strong and flexible). The jhupa also helps out with all of the baby related chores, and even with feeding if necessary. In my situation, it was mainly me who cared for our baby, and then my husband when he wasn’t working. Both our mothers came to stay with us and help out for a few weeks.
Can you speak at all to the culture around newborn sleep in India (particularly expectations for co-sleeping, sleeping through the night, self soothing etc.)? What are your personal thoughts on this?
Co-sleeping is a very normal and widely used practice in India, especially in rural India. In
Mumbai you can definitely discuss sleep. Many people don’t follow a sleep schedule for their babies or children, but then again, many also do. There’s no mainstream here.
Some women give a bottle of formula before sleeping and the baby sleeps through the night, others are up three or four times a night to breastfeed their baby. Some sleep train their baby (although this isn’t a very common practice in India), and others keep their baby in the bed with them well into their childhood years.
Sleep training doesn’t resonate with me personally. I had my daughter, Leela, next to my bed in a bassinet for six months and then a crib in my room. She moved to her nursery when she was 11 months old. Around a year (the 12-month sleep regression), she began waking up a lot while in her nursery and it was then I decided to begin co-sleeping with her. We’re still co-sleeping and we both get a lot more sleep! She sometimes knows how to self soothe, but with constant teething and molars coming out, sleep has been quite disturbed.
Breastfeeding
Did you breastfeed your daughter? Can you share a little bit about your journey?
Yes, I breastfeed my daughter: 13 months and going strong! Our breastfeeding journey started off a bit rocky. I had no idea that something as natural as breastfeeding could have so many challenges. In my mind, before she was born, I imagined that I would just pop the baby on the boob and let her drink. Well, little did I know this is not the case!
At the beginning, Leela had trouble latching and we had to use a silicone nipple for the first few days. This was extremely stressful because I had to keep sanitising it and making sure I had the right size and fit that worked best for her. I was dreading the idea of continuing like this for months. One morning, a few days after we returned home from the hospital, I removed the silicone nipple soon after she started nursing, and she latched on to my breast directly. You have no idea how much joy I felt that moment! From then on, we threw those silicone nipples away and never looked back.
We still had some breastfeeding challenges with a quick let-down, a large milk supply, and a tongue-tie (whichwe got cut when she was three weeks old). Since then, our breastfeeding journey has gone smoothly, other than a few challenges such as biting. Breastfeeding is my quiet time with my girl. I absolutely love it. I feel it’s a true privilege to be able to breastfeed her.
Do you think breastfeeding in public is socially accepted in your country?
Yes and no, as it depends on where you live in India. In small towns, it’s not accepted. In the villages, it probably is. And in the big cities, it is, but it can still make people feel awkward. A city like Mumbai is very modern and many people are open-minded, so it’s usually fine to breastfeed publicly. I’ve done it many times and never had a problem.
Is breastfeeding support readily available?
Absolutely. Mumbai has some amazing lactation consultants, as well as craniosacral therapists who can help with any challenges.
Who would you turn to for breastfeeding support?
I turned to Yasmin Effath, who’s a senior lactation consultant and craniosacral therapist located in Mumbai. She diagnosed my daughter’s tongue tie and also did the procedure for her. We also did a few cranio sessions together and they seemed to have helped.I would also consult with Dr. Mugha Joshi, who’s another wonderful lactation consultant.
How long do babies typically breastfeed in India?
Again, it really depends on where in India you live and your family. I find that in the big cities, women don’t breastfeed for very long, or they combine breastfeeding with formula and stop breastfeeding somewhere between six and 12 months -especially the working mothers. In the villages, I’d imagine children are breastfed for much longer, possibly for two to four years.
India
What’s your favourite thing about being a mother and raising a child in India?
I don’t think that I can answer this question just yet! I have a pandemic baby, which means that for more than half of her life Leela has been in lockdown at home. However, if I try and think of this in the future, it would be the opportunity for Leela to grow up in an amazing country, with a beautiful mix of cultures and traditions. She’ll experience life in a very real and raw sense, and be connected to the elements and nature.
My favourite thing about being a mother in India is having the opportunity to connect with other mothers (both Indian and foreign), having access to many different ingredients and herbs in order to cook healthy food, and being able to travel and see many different places with my family.
If the world could learn one thing about how India approaches pregnancy, birth & motherhood, what would it be?
Support! If there’s one thing that Indians thrive at, it’s family and support. They say it takes a village to raise a child, and in India, you would find this to be true. The custom of joint families, or living with your in-laws when giving birth, suddenly makes so much sense after having a child. The world could learn a thing or two from the Indian culture of unconditional support given from the family, especially from the mothers and mother-in-laws. Families will go above and beyond to care for the new mother and her baby in every way possible: cooking for them, creating healing concoctions, bathing and massaging the baby, and most of all, just being there for them through thick and thin.
What’s one piece of advice you’d like to give other mothers?
One day at a time, mama! The days can seem long, full and overwhelming. Yet, also exciting and fun. Each day is different, and each phase in your baby’s life is different. Let’s take it one day at a time, and try to embrace each moment, each smile, and each tear!
Interview with Lakshya Yoga
Photography by Trina Cary Photography