Kristen Haines, Canada
Photography by: Trina Cary Photography
Introduction
Were you born and raised in Canada?
Yes, born and raised here in Edmonton, Alberta. I have lived in this area my whole life except for the years I was in school in Vancouver, it’s our goal to move back to the island one day.
Can you give me a little background on yourself?
I’m a creative person who didn’t always know how to be creative. I’m a mother of 3, and there was a time I didn’t want to be a mother. I live on an acreage and thrive here, after years thinking I wanted to live in the city. I grew up a kid who didn’t care about clothing and wore boys denim or my dads sweatpants, to a person who has their degree in fashion merchandising. I guess my background is a picture of an ever evolving person.
You have three beautiful children! What are their names and ages?
Sawyer Luna, 5, Poppy Ray, 2, and Forest June 3 months
How has being a mother influenced your career?
I went from someone who defined themselves by their career, being busy and active. To someone who’s career is something that is an expression of who I am, and brings a deep joy, who loves the slowness.
How do you keep your creativity alive as a mother?
Hand stitching leather is this beautiful slow creative process. Being able to dream and design in my mind while doing housework, hand stitching each piece while nursing or playing at the park, to creative shoots and photography with my children on adventures. I’ve made my creative pursuits entwine with my life.
What inspired you to start working and creating with leather?
Isaac, my partner. He is the person who thrives learning new things, I am the person who doesn’t like to fail, and don’t pick up a lot of hobby’s because of it. When our daughter Sawyer was born he was working random jobs he hated and began to sell leather and canvas goods that he previously had just been making for fun. After not working for 6 months, I was getting a little antsy, and had Isaac help make some baby items for me, a tote etc, he basically told me if I wanted to sell them I had to learn to make them. It’s very much evolved in the 5 years I’ve been at this craft to something I love deeply.
Pregnancy
Can you tell me a little bit about your pregnancies?
I’ll be brutally honest here. I hate pregnancy. All of it. I have had really bad morning sickness, have been anemic, been in a lot of pain, and had really bad heartburn each pregnancy.
I’ve enjoyed getting to know this tiny human inside of me, talking to them, meditating with them in mind.
But pregnancy is so so so hard. I’ve never cried more and slept less than when being pregnant.
What type of prenatal care did you receive throughout your pregnancy? Is this common in Canada?
With Sawyer I had prenatal care at a birth centre with a midwife. It was by far by best experience with prenatal care, and also the least common. Midwifes are in high demand in Canada, they are covered by our Alberta Health Insurance, which everyone has. I applied for midwifery care at 5 weeks with Luna and was on a waitlist.
My other 2 pregnancies I was with a traditional family doctor because of having a medically necessary c section midwifes won’t accept you into care. This is the common experience.
Are scans/ultrasounds readily available and how often during pregnancy?
Yes, all scans and ultrasounds deemed medically necessary are covered by universal health care. Usually one in the first trimester, and one around 20 weeks, sometimes one around 36 weeks as well.
With Forest I had some bleeding a week after my first trimester scan and called my doctor. They called in the request for the ultrasound and I had one then next morning. I could have had one the same day had I chose to go to the emergency room at a hospital.
What are the attitudes toward pregnant women? Do you receive any special “care” and has this impacted you personally in any way?
Um, I’m not entirely sure how to answer this, pregnant women don’t get very much special care outside of the care they advocate for, or their partners gift them. I didn’t ask for special care, and my partner although incredible in so many ways, isn’t the kind to go out for ice-cream at 10 pm to fulfil a craving. You can start you government paid maternity leave 4 weeks prior to birth if desired.
Is there any attention given to preparing women both physically and psychologically for birth?
There are prenatal classes available, as an introvert they sounded like a new level of hell and I opted out. Outside of your immediate community there isn’t more care that is widely done. There are classes you can join, prenatal yoga etc, the birth centre had a whole range from Chiro, physio, yoga, massage etc.
Are there any foods that are recommended for pregnant women to avoid during pregnancy?
Yes, but I honestly don’t know most of them. I believe unpasteurized cheese, raw fish and others? And while I practiced following these for my first, my second and third I just followed the cravings. Which was sushi. I just chose the more local option of salmon vs tuna.
Birth
Can you share a little about your own birth experiences?
Luna was born at 42 weeks, we had been in labour for 34 hours, and call it mothers intuition or just being in so much pain, I made the call to transfer from the birth centre to the hospital where my midwife had privileges and get an epidural. When we got there we found out that Luna’s cord was wrapped around her head, and whenever she straightened her head to come out it would press against the cord and her heart rate would drop and birth would stall. We then opted for a c section. My midwife advocated for me, for all the things I wanted. Delayed cord clamping, skin on skin in the OR, she made sure it happened.
Poppy we tried to have a VBAC, after 43 weeks, we were still trying, and visited my doctor while she was on call at the hospital as it was a holiday and the clinic was closed. It was basically our last chance to get labour moving before they would start pressing for a c section. When they monitored my Braxton Hicks poppy’s heart rate also dropped, and stayed down. After discussion about risks, my wanting to get out of the hospital quickly, skin on skin, delayed cord clamping, we moved ahead with a c section.
After my 2nd c section we learned that there is a portion of my uterus around my scarring that is very thin, and although my doctor would support me if I chose to attempt a VBAC I opted for a c section. With how hard pregnancy was at the end I was sleeping maybe 1-2 hours a night. 38 weeks sounded much better than going to 43 again, especially feeling like the outcome would likely be similar.
What have you found the attitudes towards birth to be in Canada? Relaxed? More medical-based?
Very Medically Based. I feel like in Canada birth is just something that women “do” there’s little to no acknowledgement about what women go through to birth. It’s pop a baby out and then be making dinners and taking kids to the park days later. I know a mother who went to the mall the next day. Another who’s partner had to go on a work trip 3 days postpartum.
Birth can be traumatic, and magical, and painful. There is so much healing that needs to be done. So much care the new mother needs. By far my best birth experience was my latest one when I recognized my need to slow down and accept support.
Are doulas available to help support your birth and/or postpartum? If so, did you use one?
Yes at a cost to you. But I chose not to use one for that reason
Where did you give birth (home/hospital/birthing centre)? Is this typical in Canada?
Hospital, this is definitely the norm.
Home births although popular in my circle, definitely have stigma around them, and I would even say judgement.
If hospital, how long do you stay in hospital following birth?
Luna 3 days.
Poppy 17 hours I advocated for myself and told them it was a priority for me, especially as Luna up until then had never been apart from me for a night.
Forest. I attempted to go at 12 hours but my bladder was not on my team. And it ended up being at 22 hours post birth, ending up in a overnight stay, and I cried in the bathroom at the hospital, I wanted to go home that evening so badly.
What types of pain relief are available during birth?
Epidural, Laughing Gas, I’m not sure what else.
Are there any recommended ways to support physical healing of the body following birth?
The hospital just recommends rest and no heavy lifting.
The things that helped me the most were suggested by my midwife: Have Iron dense meals pre prepared. Don’t do anything. Stay horizontal. Whether you’re in bed, on a couch in front of the fire or laying on a blanket in your yard. Take it slow. Breathe it in. Don’t rush your body into doing all the things. Also breast massage, and lengthy showers if you need a second to yourself.
What type of appointments typically follow birth and will these be in-home or out-of-home visits?
We have a community care nurse give a follow up phone call, as well as a at home visit a week post birth which I had for both Luna and poppy but turned down for Forest (Covid) you also are supposed to have a 6 week checkup at your family doctor... I didn’t go.
What do you personally believe were the most important things in aiding postpartum recovery for you both physically and emotionally?
Having my partner take time off, and setting some expectations. In the first few weeks he cooked, watched the kids, made sure laundry was done, cleaned the house, made me all the teas, got me all the snacks, changed most of the diapers.
Having a housekeeper, someone come to clean my home. I get anxious if my home gets too messy or dirty. It gave me major peace of mind.
Postpartum
Is there any support for mother and baby during the “fourth trimester”?
The Canadian government offers paid maternal and parental leave, which is 12-18 months, it’s something that either you or your partner can take (or split). But outside of that its, your partner and friends. As an introvert who has few close friends, having a baby in a pandemic. There’s little to none.
Are there any “new mother” groups that you can join and did you join any?
I believe there are, especially if you give birth and a birthing centre or through a midwife. But no, I didn’t join them.
What is the culture around taking newborns out in public? Do you wait a certain period for taking the baby out into public spaces?
I had never heard of waiting a specific amount of time to go out in public until a friend who’s partner is Indian didn’t leave for 40 days. Luna and Poppy I ventured into public quickly. Forest I left the house only a few times the first 40 days and it’s my favourite experience.
Is there government-supported maternity or paternity leave and if so, for how long?
Yes. Paid for 12 months, unpaid an additional 6 months after that.
Typically who cares for the baby during the newborn stage? Mother? Father? Extended Family?
Mother. I am very unique in that Isaac also works from home and was able to support me. My mom came over for a day to help shortly after birth as well.
What was it like for you personally?
I love newborn stage. It’s one of my favourite times of parenthood. (Outside of mastitis and BF pain) I love the feeling of not being pregnant. Of sleeping again (don’t hate me, my kids have all been good sleepers always sleeping for at least one 4-5 hour chunk) I love that squishy cuddly slow time.
Can you speak at all to the culture around newborn sleep in Canada? Particularly of expectations for sleeping through the night, self soothing, etc.? What are your personal thoughts on this?
There is an expectation of sleep training and crib sleeping. My thoughts are that I will never teach my child that I will ignore their cries, that I will always respond when they communicate and support them in regulating their emotions and their body, and that there are many ways to do this. I have co-slept for all of my children, and that worked great for me, it doesn’t for everyone and you need to find a method that works for you. Also, I think it’s unrealistic to expect a baby to sleep through the night.
Breastfeeding
Did you breastfeed your children? Can you share a little bit about your journey?
Yes, Luna till she was 2.5. Poppy until she was 22 months. And currently with Forest. It’s been smooth except for the first weeks with Forest. I cried a lot, it was so so so painful. I got mastitis 7 times in 3 weeks. If I hadn’t breastfed before, and knew how much I loved the ease of whipping out a boob whenever they were hungry I likely would have quit it was so hard, I’m grateful I didn’t as I love nursing Forest now.
Do you think breastfeeding in public has been socially accepted in your country?
Yes? Most moms cover up, but I don’t and have only had one negative experience. I made my father in law very nervous for the first few months, he left the room quickly when I brought a boob out, but he’s never said anything negative and has gotten used to it and now comes over to chat or bring me food.
Is breastfeeding support readily available?
Yes. La Leche League has support groups, people to answer emails and a lactation specialist visits you in the hospital to support your first few latches.
How long do babies typically breastfeed in Canada?
I would say a year. I got some judgement breastfeeding longer.
Canada
What is your favourite thing about being a mother and raising children in Canada?
Nature. I love this beautiful country, I love exploring it with them, hiking, swimming, etc, and I also love knowing that if one of them got hurt adventuring with me that healthcare is covered, and I don’t need to worry.
If you think the world could learn one thing about how Canada approaches pregnancy, birth, & motherhood, what would it be?
That every person has the right to birth without fear of cost.
What is one piece of advice you would like to give other mothers?
Trust yourself, you are the best mother for your child, and that it’s also ok not to be at your best all the time. You’re still the best mother for your child.